Note: Comments of readers are their own and do not reflect the feelings of Bob Lonsberry or lonsberry.com.
60 Responses to:
NO, YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL
# 1. 12/11/12 12:20 AM by Steve
You want narcissistic? Look at the typical Facebook page of someone under age 25. There are hundreds, if not thousands of pictures. These kids literally can not go to the bathroom without taking a picture of themselves in the mirror.
# 2. 12/11/12 1:09 AM
It's a mixture of fault everywhere. I had to fail a student due to the fact that she did not come to school everyday and did not turn in all of the assignments. The parents would yell at me because their children did not pass the class even if they didn't do all of the work. I have no idea what happened to the days when one was accountable for oneself.
# 3. 12/11/12 1:13 AM by Cal - Rochester, NY
These liberal narcissistic brats would well be advised to follow the great ambitious successes of Bob Lonsberry overcoming despair with his Faith, with his hard work which makes his happiness in life, a Blessing to others! Bravo to Bob! Going to be interesting to see what Bob comes up with next! He sure isn`t spoiled but is very humble. He sure isn`t lazy while supporting a large family, while helping many others including total strangers!
# 4. 12/11/12 3:06 AM
The youth reflect the society they live in.
In our society work has become an occupation for the foolish and naive.
The Smart people are investment bankers, managers or performers that live off of the labor of others.
The not so smart are school employees, government workers, etc. aligned with powerfull unions and so only partially have to work.
Traditional concept of work is for idiots. It doesn't pay well, has long hours, lousy or no retirement and is looked down on by society.
These are the mores of our culture and the college kids its progeny
# 5. 12/11/12 3:23 AM by hunter - e. bethany, ny
Raised by a village and razed by the school.
# 6. 12/11/12 3:47 AM
Good job! Time out! Bull!*&!@!
Give the brat a whooppin' and quit bragging to me that you never, ever had to spank him.
Self esteem is one thing, but the arrogance of some kids AND parents today is appalling. And mediocrity in child rearing shows.
A turd is a turd is a turd, and by any other name is still a friggin' stinkin' turd!
You reap what you sow. When an employee is a loser, you can look to the parents as the reason why, and usually see it quite clearly in the make up of their entire broods.
# 7. 12/11/12 4:24 AM by Woody
Too late Bob,we've already become a nation of Hooray for me and screw you. Just look around you when you go to public places,people have no concern for others,Every thing is me,me,me.
# 8. 12/11/12 4:48 AM by B Smith - Syracuse New York
Sounds like we have a perfect crop of new right wing talk show hosts who think they are the only ones who know anything and are the center of the universe.
# 9. 12/11/12 4:51 AM by topper
So I guess this just proves you are really younger than you say you are!
# 10. 12/11/12 5:14 AM by Tom Dey - Springwater, NY
I've seen the change for the worse. Post WWII kids would ride each other for being losers. A lazy kid in class would be called "retard" by his friends - not for inability, but for lack of effort. It was a constructive put-down that actually worked. Superior workers were singled out by the teachers for praise and we (sitting in the bleachers) aspired to be up there occasionally if not usually. That criticism from peers and teachers actually worked - most of us worked to our ability and took that forward to awaiting jobs. We expected of ourselves to be expected by others to excel. And heaven forbid the wrath of disappointing our parents! It was a simple attitude that worked. Screw these new-age, overpriced hippie would be psychologist teachers whose only motivation is to reap more benefits from taxpayers. They are losers rearing losers. It doesn't work or bode well.
# 11. 12/11/12 6:07 AM by B Hussein Obama - Washington, DC
Just wait until one of them gets elected President, twice.
(To our denoumont)
# 12. 12/11/12 6:13 AM by Abner D
Every social ill facing the United States today began with a failed liberal experiment.
The greatest social ill we face is an educational system on life support. Its downfall began with a failed liberal experiment called, busing. Libs are in the process of flat-lining our educational system by lowering standards.
Lower standards allow a higher percentage of coddled, entitlement-minded, self esteem-challenged, functional illiterates to keep moving through the school system. Bottle-necks, stumbling blocks, and virtually empty classrooms beyond the 7th grade are avoided.
As graduation rates approach 75 to 80%, expect standards to bottom out around the 3rd or 4th grade elementary school level, effectively reducing our educational system to Banana Republic status.
At this point, the SEIU will have a bottomless recruitment pool, Democrats' re-election is all but guaranteed, and the destruction of America from within will be complete.
# 13. 12/11/12 6:18 AM by Bill - Rochester NY
Of course, I agree with every word, but this little voice in the back of my head reminds me each and every generation coming up gets criticized as the end of civilization as we know it. Being a twit is part of a young person's job description, and being a cantankerous scold is part of an old fart's job description. Both groups continue to perform at a high level.
# 14. 12/11/12 6:45 AM by Ray S. - North Chili, N.Y.
While your commentary supports a long held belief, I would be interested in reading the actual report. A quick GOOGLE check didn't yield it when I searched, could you list the report for those of us that want to research more?
We have so much to fix in today's world, and actions taken in the past have reduced our ability to take these problems on.
It's a disgrace. I'm sure that we will eventually display the will to do it, but it's a shame that we let all of this happen.
# 15. 12/11/12 6:45 AM by Skippy
Witness the OWS useful idiots.
# 16. 12/11/12 6:49 AM by Poplar Beach
If we get rid of the illegal aliens, we may have no one to mow the lawns.
When I was a kid my neighbors knew I would be knocking on their door to mow, shovel, rake leaves, etc. I have never been approached by a teen, not one, and I have plenty of these chores, even if I did not need someone I might hire them, as I am sure many folks did with me.
# 17. 12/11/12 6:56 AM by glenn - canadice
As a boss from long ago used to say:" I'd like to buy him for what he's worth, and sell him for what he thinks he's worth"!
# 18. 12/11/12 7:38 AM by OldVietVet - Rochester, NY
I dont think they're any more (or less) narcissistic than my generation.If the military draft were reinstituted we'd find out in a hurry.It's a complicated and depressing state of affairs when a man is maimed, or loses his life in service to his country, only to have a "so what" reaction from his "friends" and neighbors.Indifference, as Ron Kovic so rightly pointed out, was what bothered him the most.
# 19. 12/11/12 7:41 AM by Carl - Williamson
Looks like we are heading to a repeat of the Twenties,thirties and forties. Romney said he would get people back to work. 52% said "screw that"!
# 20. 12/11/12 8:05 AM by Rick G - Spencerport, NY
Well, there goes the movement to have the Olympic committee give out medals for fifteenth place.
# 21. 12/11/12 8:06 AM
Yeah. I actually like cleaning stables!
# 22. 12/11/12 8:24 AM by kittynana - Lewiston NY
My fav? T-ball games. "Oh. We don't keep score because we don't want the kids to feel bad for losing." WHAT???? How about teaching them how to lose- AND WIN- graciously? My kids were taught that- my daughters were captains of the high school bowling and softball teams who would congratulate the opposing teams on good plays- and all three children lose, and win, graciously. 12 yr old granddaughter, too.
(Except Family Court. You don't mess with that. Unfortunately, you have to be vicious in Family Court if you believe you're doing the right thing).
# 23. 12/11/12 8:48 AM by RC - Bloomington
This is why true athletic competition is so good for young men. That is when Dad's push them to be their best. I'm so sick of parents that look at me funny because I'm asking my son to be better than he is. I don't scream or yell during games, but I do ask that he get to practice early, work hard, stay late and thank everyone around him. Why wouldn't someone want to learn to be better tomorrow than they are today.
# 24. 12/11/12 8:53 AM by Jodi - Wayne County East
All hail the Narcissist In Chief.
Lucifer or B.O.?
# 25. 12/11/12 9:00 AM by Susan - Penfield
It's not that self-esteem doesn't work it's what our idea of self-esteem is. In this culture we are taught that our value lies in doing and not being. We are taught that our natural human tendencies are flaws and weaknesses. For us "failure" is a bad thing and we are to avoid it like the plague rather than seeing our failures as part of our process of growth and learning.
# 26. 12/11/12 9:00 AM by Christopher - Newport News, VA
The realities of life have a way of straightening out many of these knuckle heads. Until then society will suffer right along with them. The ones that don't straighten out will lead miserable lives and may not even realize what they are missing. Ultimately, every one suffers for their lack of personal responsibility.
# 27. 12/11/12 9:04 AM by John - SLC
One of the most perceptive, yet obvious, observations I have read in a long time! This is what "speaking truth to power" really looks like.
This should appear as an Op-ed piece in every paper in the country, and in whatever it is that schools (especially Charter and Home) read as professional material.
Please send to the Salt Lake papers!
Now, if these stinking kids are bad now, just wait until someone hands them the bill for what the narcissist in chief has been handing out! They will be truly mystified and outraged at the mere though of having to pay for stuff, not just for themselves, but for anyone.
I think perhaps our nation has passed the tipping point and cannot be saved.
# 28. 12/11/12 9:07 AM by Taco Bill
People (kids) need to learn how to think again, think before they act.
Bob, you need to update your bio here.
# 29. 12/11/12 9:17 AM by Ted - Henrietta
Another research study shows that porn stars have higher self-esteem, a better quality of life and body image, and are more spiritual than their non-adult entertainment counterparts. That's why I try to get my wife to emulate porn stars.
It's a self-improvement, helping thing.
# 30. 12/11/12 9:25 AM by hc
Well, you take God out of His rightful position of pre-eminence, you have to fill that spot with somebody, or something. And THAT didn't start in 1982. We've been doing THAT since Cain and Abel! God was "taken out" of the public school in 1962, not 1982. This generation is addicted to self the same way other generations picked other things to be addicted to. Other generations may have found some ideas that were genuinely outside themselves to adhere to; and these ideas may have appeared to be "less selfish" to some. But in reality and retrospect, were just as harmful as the selfishness we are seeing today. Quick example... Naziism.
Regardless of the generation you were born into, in Gods eyes, either youz a sheep or youz a goat.
There's nothing new under the sun.
# 31. 12/11/12 9:26 AM by tom - penfield, ny
I hope you're not saying that my future Social Security check is in trouble. I just looked at myself in the mirror and said "those young people are a bunch of self centered slobs".
# 32. 12/11/12 9:27 AM by little john - Mount Morris, NY
"Malignant narcissism is the insidious idolatry of a selfish world ruled by self serving anal-ysts contemplating their navel futures and excessive commodities entitled."
IT'S THE LAW; SMARTONES:
The right of passage, by law,
and over one million well off lawyers...
To "quit" school at 16;
To drive at 16;
To have consensual sex at 16;
the right to collect independent
welfare at 16;
the right to vote and smoke at 18;
the right to drink at 21;
the right to have a county paid lawyer
extort child support arrears by default
of rancorous divorce
upon an unjustly ostracized
disabled now unemployable
Vietnam Combat Veteran
until the age of 25;
manipulated, and controlled by
psycho-logical custody of a "known"
perjurious plaintiff allowed,
condoned, and encouraged by
And the unlimited "rights"
of a custodial parent
"subrogated" to the
People of The State of New York...
POLITICAL ASYLUM? RULES? WHAT RULES?
# 33. 12/11/12 9:29 AM by Jodi - Wayne County East
Are you doing Nick Tahoe's this year?
# 34. 12/11/12 9:42 AM by little john - Mount Morris, NY
FOR MY BROTHER IN ARMS----
# 18. 12/11/12 7:38 AM by OldVietVet - Rochester, NY
Kudos for your insight...
The GREAT Society of INdifference...
The epitome of moral turpitude and depraved indifference, is when a county paid public defender tells her guilty and confessed 16 year old client that his veteran Father violated his civil rights by urging him to "tell the truth and be forthright" to the deputies investigating the forgery and larceny...She could have got him "off" if he had remained silent. Thus, the only way she could defend the 16 year old son, and get him "off"; was to overwhelmingly attack the veteran Father with allegations of abuse and cruelty of inhumane treatment...And the rest is history...
I Am at Peace with it all now,
with the humble Honor
of a simple mind of integrity,
true to my own heart...
I will leave the rest, to a higher power.
# 35. 12/11/12 9:48 AM by Matt - Rochester, NY
So how do you explain your "unrealistically inflated self-concept"??????
# 36. 12/11/12 9:50 AM by Lucy - Medina
I found that my self esteem was very low after my divorces. Can you offer any advice to a twice divorced mother of five?
# 37. 12/11/12 10:08 AM by C Jones
doesn't the Mormon church people always tell the kids they are "special"?
Self esteem is not about telling kids they are "special".
Who are these 5 professors? Thought you hated college educated communist atheists?
# 38. 12/11/12 10:08 AM by Bart - Pittsford
"The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."
Peter the Hermit 1274 A.D.
# 39. 12/11/12 10:22 AM by Cami
#2 and we all know that teachers can't get fired either no matter how crappy many of you are.
No credit given for the days the student is in class or the assignments they did turn in is just plain evil but you know they can't fire you so you delude yourself into thinking you're a great teacher and its the students who are bad.
# 40. 12/11/12 10:25 AM by Jay
The emerging trend of recognizing multiple valdectorians is an example of self-esteem preservation trumping common sense. Spreading the traditional academic honor may reduce competition and pressure. But it will hardly motivate students toward academic achievement and the realities of post-graduation life.
# 41. 12/11/12 10:39 AM
Shut up and give me a participation trophy for reading your column.
# 42. 12/11/12 10:54 AM
I look at the older generation and ponder when did they become so entitled. They demand blue parking spots, free everything and discounted coffee.
# 43. 12/11/12 10:54 AM by Mom and prof
I teach this population, so I get to observe them first-hand, and I can tell you this: their inflated sense of self-worth, because it is essentially built on air, is very, very fragile.
They go their whole lives being told they are special and wonderful and that they are all winners at everything, but since they are not dumb, somewhere down deep inside they know it's not true.
When they hit the cold, hard reality of college-level work, most of them put up a little resistance at first. I hear an awful lot of this: "But I always got A's in this subject in high school!" This is from students who, at best, are earning C's.
However, since they already suspect they're not really all that wonderful, it doesn't take long before their egos are completely crushed. At that point, some of them can them pick up their pencils, dig in, and start to produce solid work that earns them legitimate rewards. Others, unfortunately, spin out of control, academically, socially, or both. Some drop out and we never see them again. Others get it together after losing a semester or a year.
It's an unfortunate and unnecessary process. I suppose the good news is that it tends to be self-correcting. The bad news is that it wastes valuable educational time, since students are resisting and then despairing when they could, instead, be learning.
# 44. 12/11/12 11:06 AM by cj
the Bible also says DO NOT JUDGE and you decided to judge anyway and to not be happy today- Who needs God when you're around with your own rules.
# 45. 12/11/12 11:20 AM by Charles R Stagg - Huntsville
For Ray # 15 post. See http://articles.latimes.com/2007/feb/27/local/me-esteem27 Which gives you the name of the study. Then go to http://sitemaker.umich.edu/brad.bushman/files/TKFCB08A.pdf
# 46. 12/11/12 11:31 AM
The judge may order:
Permanent termination of parents rights, thereby freeing the child for adoption and committing guardianship and custody over the child to an authorized social services agency...
A "could be" constitutional conundrum of COSTLY custodial confusion by cruel and inhumane treatment of the family of esquired courts...
# 47. 12/11/12 12:08 PM by Mrs. Jones
#1 then blame it on Kodak - they started it
Bob how many times have you been married? What authority do you have to preach for others to maintain their marriages?
i also noticed Bob that you failed to answer #14 Ray's question. I also wonder that. I agree with #18 Oldvietvet and to #19 Carl - could it be that of the 52% some didn't believe him, some couldn't get answers, and that some had their jobs pulled out from under them with no warning or knew someone who did? Why is it you think anyone who didn't vote for Romney was because they don't want jobs? You have little faith in the American people.
# 48. 12/11/12 12:39 PM by Bill - Dallas, TX
To support what was said in comment #43:
I administer federal student financial aid programs for a college. A lot of my time is spent explaining to students why they no longer qualify for the programs. We have our standards. They are very low, but we have them. It amazes me when a student actual wants to argue that he/she should continue to receive support from public funds to pay for their education when they have below a 2.0 GPA after two semesters. Can they appeal? Sure. But they need to have extenuating circumstances.
Often the student is surprised when the appeal is denied. They can't imagine a world where there are not given an unlimited number of "do overs".
The vast majority of the students at my school meet our academic expectations. The students who fail often have serious issues happening in their life. I understand this. Still, even with life's troubles, to be a successful college student you must read the book, write the paper, complete the project and pass the exam. The fact that your grandmother was sick is important, but doesn't excuse you from the requirement that you pass your classes.
# 49. 12/11/12 12:50 PM by Al Quiam - USSA
Welcome to the world of ties! I remember seeing this from the T-Ball leagues back in the early 90's when no one wanted Johnny or Joey to feel like a loser...so every game was reported as a tie. As a coach, we couldn't tell the kids the actual score. The kids who knew baseball knew the score though. Funny looking back now, those kids that knew the score then have almost a perfect correlation to those who are achieving in their early 20's today...ahead of those more interested in dandelions and clouds. Perhaps some wing-nut sociologist wants to study that further... to make it official.
# 50. 12/11/12 1:30 PM
#43 - Blaming the cat for eating your homework gets old after a while, but many students insist upon blaming something other than themselves. If by the time a student gets to college he/she doesn't realize that life itself is a series of self-correcting failures that we build successes upon, it is probably too late. And if the parents keep sheltering their kids from reality, it is even worse, and the fall is even harder. Parents are not objective enough, and it is quite surprising to them when a lifelong underdog becomes a successful "late bloomer". Many times the "best of brood" is a surprise and in a field that may be unexpected.
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